she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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