I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
