Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
