I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
