I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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