On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
