she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
