I could make wine with my vomit
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
