you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
