I faked an abortion last night.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
