did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Someone signed my nipple.
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