Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
