Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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