i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
