Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
