obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
