i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
