it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.