drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
