apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend