I will die if light touches me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.