i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
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of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes