He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
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You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
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Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot