I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
