smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
