They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
