remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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