peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
