good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
