dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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