32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
