i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
