can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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