please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
