Non-Jews are for practice
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im holly from the hills drunk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
