I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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