He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
