I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
