On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
