i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
