good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
