So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I intend to get homeless drunk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
