You can't special order awesome
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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