just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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