No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
