and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
