Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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