I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
