is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
