Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
