I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
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The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
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Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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