Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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