And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
