she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
