on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
