I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
