Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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