Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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