Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
