I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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