If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
