Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
