I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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