If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
