Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sorry about my life...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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