dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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