it hurts more in the daytime
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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