Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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