i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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