I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
