you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
