it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize