I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That's intense
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
