I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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