I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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