i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
two words: eviction party
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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