He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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