I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
