And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
