I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
