Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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