Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
