Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
