My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
