I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you never un-have a 4some
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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