im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
